A light in the dark
by Miss P
Summary: Most people thought Jane was nothing more than a heartless sadist. But what if someone saw past her icy façade and tried to help her?
1. Chapter 1

**A light in the dark  
**  
_By Miss P_

_Summary: Most people thought Jane was nothing more than a heartless sadist._  
_But what if someone saw past her icy façade and tried to help her? Jane/Demetri._

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters._

XxxxX

**Chapter one**

People would call me a sadist, maybe that's true. But I didn't only find pleasure in torturing others, sometimes it seemed I also liked torturing myself. Every time I used my power to inflict pain, I was also hurting me. The illusion I created burned anyone right where they stood, and I wanted, _needed_ to see them suffer as much as I did. But that also meant I could never allow myself to forget. Hundreds of years later I was still trapped in the past, burning with every misdirected feeling of hatred. Remembering that night in detail every time I watched someone else feel that horrible ache burn through their bodies, made me die a little bit more inside each time, but I didn't want it any other way.

I had lost it all, my family, my life and even my soul. All that is left in me is the pain. That is what I'm good at, what I do. Didn't someone say that feeling pain is better than not feeling anything at all? It's what I've been clinging to ever since I was burned as a witch, an innocent child, sweet and loving, someone who didn't know how cruel the world could truly be until one day when everything was abruptly ripped away.

And what hurt the most was knowing I could never have that back, not even the tiniest little piece of light in my darkened empty existence. I was doomed to live like this, repeating the same pattern over and over again, torturing myself with the memories every time I did to people what was once done to me. I couldn't stop myself, couldn't change. It was what I lived for, the pain and the power had become my life. But having that said, it didn't mean that I liked it, but without it I would surely die. Because without the power to hurt people, I would have nothing left. It was in those moments that I felt alive. Memories letting pain course through me in strong ripples every time I watched someone crumble to the floor in front of me and it put a smile to my lips, because it meant I could still feel something more than the numb emptiness that settled over me once I was alone.

The rain kept on pouring down, soaking my already wet clothes even more, but I didn't want to go inside. The balcony was my refuge. No one dared to come up here when they knew I was here. Not even Alec.

But I couldn't stand that emptiness either; I couldn't live with being so alone. If it hadn't been for Alec, I don't think that even my powers would have been enough to keep me sane. I loved him, but even though my brother had gone through the same hell as I had, it didn't seem like he understood me. No one did. Sometimes it seemed like he didn't feel at all, and maybe that _was_ better. I couldn't tell.

"Jane?" his voice drifted to me from the room inside. I felt my body stiffen, anger rising.

"Go away," I demanded; amazed that he had actually come to me when everyone knew what I would do to anyone who dared to intrude on my personal space.

"I thought you'd want some company."

I whirled around facing him. "You thought wrong, Demetri, now go."

"Jane please, it's not good for you to…" he was cut off mid sentence as I unleashed my power on him. He didn't make a sound, but the look on his face as he slowly sunk to the floor was filled with so much agony that it made me smile. I could almost feel _the_ flames lick their ways up my own legs as well, pain shooting through me in that moment. But it wasn't my legs that hurt, it was my heart.

Just a little longer, I told myself. I needed to feel it tear through me, especially now. I wanted to feel alive, even at the cost of Demetri's pain.

I let him go at last and it took awhile before he managed to stand. His voice broke as he repeated my name. "Why do you do it?" he asked. "Why are pushing everyone away? Hurting everyone that care for you?"

I stared at him. I was seconds away from giving him a second round of my power if he didn't leave, but he just stood there, looking back at me with something that could only be recognized as sadness in his crimson eyes. "Let me help you."

"I don't need anyone's help," I snapped.

"Then why are you hurting so badly every time you torture someone with your power?"

Surprise made me forget the anger for a while, and as I replied my voice was surprisingly soft. "How did you know?"

He just shrugged.

"I like the pain," I admitted at last. "It's all I have; I'm not letting it go."

"You have me," he said in an unflinching way, meeting my sharp gaze as I stared back at him.

XxxxX

**_T b c_**

_A/N: What do you think? Good? Bad? Want me to continue? Let me know!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

"_You have me," Demetri said in an unflinching way, meeting my sharp gaze as I stared back at him._

"What?"

Instead of answering, Demetri walked up to me there I stood in the rain. He didn't seem to care that the drops fell on him too, soaking him. He reached out to place a hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. "Let me help you," he repeated.

I could only stare. I had not seen this coming. Had I been so oblivious to what had been going on around me to not notice that Demetri had feelings for me? I shook my head. I couldn't let him in, even though the thought of it pleased me in some strange way. Caring for someone would only cause me more pain, and _that_ kind of pain I didn't like. Loving meant losing, and I've lost too much to dare letting myself care for anyone else again.

"Jane," he whispered.

"No," I said sharply. "Leave now."

He didn't. I had to make him understand that he shouldn't be around me. I wasn't good for him. Demetri was a good man, he deserved someone better. A real woman, who wasn't a sadistic teenage-looking bitch that found pleasure in seeing him writhe in pain.

I once again planted the illusion in his head and for a moment he stared at me with wide eyes. Then he collapsed as the agony I caused him overpowered his will to stand. His body shuddered violently, and he seemed to be taking in shallow gasps of air, even though he didn't need to breathe.

I released him just as abruptly, but it took several minutes before he could drag himself up to a standing position. "That," he began in raspy voice. "Is not going to scare me away." Then he did the unthinkable. He took the one step that separated us, and placed his arms around me, pulling me to him. First, I was too stunned to even move, but then I fought him, trying to hit him physically, but he caught my tiny fists in one hand, pressing his body closer giving me no space to move, let alone strike out at him.

Though he was restraining my body, my mind was still free, and I used it against him, letting my power wash over him once more. I felt him twitch, but even though the pain must be excruciating he clung to me, and as his legs buckled and he sunk to the floor, he dragged me down with him.

I stopped the torture abruptly as I felt the hard tiles underneath me as I hit the cold wet floor.

"Demetri," I choked out, horrified that my voice had gone so raw and uncontrolled. "Let me go."

"Never," he rasped. "Never let you go, Jane." To emphasize his words, he gathered me more comfortably in his arms, pulling me onto his lap in the progress. I was too shocked this time to even begin to protest. And I knew I was as stiff as a stick there I sat, but he didn't seem to care.

"You don't have to be alone," he whispered.

"I want to be," I protested.

"Liar."

"It's true. It is."

He didn't believe me. And as his hands started to run up and down my back, sending ripples of something I didn't even recognize through me, I wasn't even sure I believed it myself anymore. It felt good, frightening and somehow comforting all at the same time. When his hand climbed higher to brush strands of wet hair away from my face, I couldn't stop a soft breath from escaping my lips.

"Relax, it's okay," I heard him murmur. I didn't believe him, but as those strong hands moved across my body, stroking and caressing my hair, back and arms I felt the stiffness start to lessen and my body sagged against him on its own accord. My eyes closed as I let my head rest against his chest.

We sat like that for hours. Demetri never stopped the slow reassuring strokes of his hands, and I found myself for the first time feeling something more than the pain and emptiness that had been my only companions for so long. What I felt when in Demetri's arms scared me more than anything else. The pain, I was used to, but this, I wasn't sure I could handle. But still, I couldn't bring myself to move away from him. In this endless night of existence that people called a life, Demetri had suddenly become my only light.

A light in the dark.

XxxxX

**_T b c_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

I couldn't tell how long we sat there on the balcony with rain pouring down on us, but being in Demetri's arms made me forget everything else for a little while.

I hadn't moved since he had pulled me onto his lap, and I still didn't. Honestly I didn't know what to do. The whole situation was terrifying, not just because of the close proximity to another person but as he held me I felt something I couldn't explain. And it scared me. As his hands ran up and down my back, occasionally running through my hair as well, warmth slowly spread through me and I couldn't help but relax even more against him. I couldn't even remember the last time someone had just held me, hell I don't think it has ever happened, not since I was human and my mother used to wrap me in her arms… but that had been different. She had loved me. Well, until she had shoved me into the arms of a man, that had been everything but kind. And when he tied me to the stake and set it on fire, she had just turned and walked away. No goodbye, no loving embrace to run to. The shock and pain would always haunt me, no matter how many thousands of years that passed.

"Jane?" Demetri murmured. "How are you feeling?"

I almost laughed at his stupid question, but the sound stuck in my throat and only came out as a muffled sob.

"You're trembling," he stated, and it was then that I realized he was right.

When I didn't answer, he tightened his hold of me. "It's okay," he murmured. "You're going to be alright."

Something inside of me burst. My eyes stung, as if wanting to cry but being unable to. In that moment, the coldhearted person I had become was gone, and I was just a little girl again. I felt more vulnerable than I could ever remember feeling, and what scared me most was that I didn't care. Tomorrow I would go back to my normal life, shutting everyone out and torturing those who dared to annoy me, but now was different. I couldn't hide from Demetri, and somehow I didn't want to. At the moment I didn't feel alone, and it felt good.

With a trembling sob I flung my arms around Demetri, clinging to him as if my life depended on it.

"It's okay," he repeated. "It's normal to feel." He must have guessed what was happening with me. What was he thinking now? Did he think I was even more of a freak than I normally was? I knew I was acting strange, but I just couldn't help myself. The closeness of his body and the comfort he offered brought back too many memories for me to suppress. For my whole vampire life, I had been holding everything inside, letting the sadness and the pain grow into bitter hate instead. That was easier to handle and it made people fear me. I liked that, but it also meant everyone stayed away. And I really couldn't blame anyone, who'd want to be around someone as unstable as me? One minute I could be smiling that fake smile of mine, and the next have them crumbling to the floor in pain. No one even dared to come close to me, let alone touch me. No one but Demetri.

The rain stopped flowing sometime that night, but I never saw when, nor did I notice the first rays of sun breaking through the clouds with the beginning of a new day. It was my brothers' voice that brought me back to reality, and the next thing I knew he was standing in the doorway staring down at me there I lay, curled up still in Demetri's arms.

"Jane, what's…" the surprise was evident in his voice and shock made him trail off. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Demetri, then back at me.

"Alec?" Panic shot through me instantly, and I finally moved away from Demetri to stand.

"What's going on here?" Alec asked, this time with a hint of amusement. "You and Demetri, huh?"

"It's not what it seems," I blurted. "What are you doing here?"

Demetri moved to stand next to me, letting one of his hands rest on my shoulder.

"I was wondering where you were. Aro wanted to see you an hour ago. He won't be pleased that you kept him waiting."

"What did he want with Jane?" Demetri asked.

"I don't know, I'm just a messenger here," Alec frowned. "I'm sure there is nothing to worry about," he added, as if sensing my concern.

I nodded, feeling the familiar numbness replace the previous warmth. "Let's find out." I walked away before either Alec or Demetri had time to say or do anything.

XxxxX

**_T b c_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four**

Alec was right, Aro claimed he only wanted to talk. I didn't believe him, but that didn't change the fact that him summoning me was nothing to worry about. At least not at the moment. He must be up to something, but no matter how hard I tired, I couldn't understand what.

I had just sat down on the sofa back in my room, when Alec came. "Sister," he said. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," I gave him a small smile. Alec, the only person I ever smiled at.

"What's going on with you and Demetri?" he asked as he shut the door.

"No beating around the bush for you, brother?" I shook my head at him.

"Come on, you have to tell me."

"There is nothing to tell. I just…" my voice trailed off and I sighed.

"Do you… love him?"

"No," the response was immediate, but then I started to think. "I don't know," I added with a frown. "I'm not sure I remember what it's like," I almost whispered now, glancing up at my brother.

"Love?" he asked, sounding confused.

I nodded. "I don't remember how it's supposed to feel. I haven't loved anyone since… since we were human. And no one has ever loved me so I… I just don't know, Alec."

Now it was his turn to nod. "I think you just know if… well, you know." He smiled sheepishly at me, and I couldn't help but smile in return.

"I suppose. It's not the same with you. With you I know. I always have. But you're my brother."

"I know what you mean." He was just about to sit down next to me, when a knock made him jump up again.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Demetri."

Even though it was impossible, it could have sworn my heart jumped in my chest as I heard his voice. The feeling stunned me into silence.

"Jane?" Both Demetri and Alec asked at the same time. "Hey," Alec poked me.

"Oh ehm… come in?" I made it sound like a question, and sighed in annoyance. What the hell was wrong with me?

The door opened and Demetri smiled as he walked up to me. "I have a plan."

I stared up at him with big eyes. "What plan?"

He knelt in front of me, making us almost the same height. "To make you feel less pain, and more happiness. I told you I was going to help you, now didn't I," he grinned, probably amused at my bewildered expression.

"Uhm, I'll be back later," Alec said sounding awkward, then he silently left the room and carefully closed the door.

I waited until he was gone, before turning my attention to Demetri. "I don't think that will work," I muttered. "I can't change who I am."

"You can," he said. "You just haven't tried. And you don't have to do it alone."

I shook my head, suddenly feeling sad again.

Demetri moved to sit next to me, dragging one knee up and angling his body so he was facing me. I looked down at the floor instead, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"Jane," he spoke softly. "Trust me."

Another shake of my head. Trust, what was that? I couldn't trust anyone anymore. Couldn't he understand that?

"You should move on, let go of the past," he said, as if he had read my mind. "I know it's hard, but it will make you feel better," he paused, but I still didn't look up. "What I'm trying to say is, don't use your power any more than absolutely necessary. I know that you are hurting every time you use it because it reminds you of what happened. Going on like that will eventually kill you, not literally of course, but you know what I mean."

When he finally finished, my eyes stung with unshed tears again, and I wasn't only surprised his words could have that affect on me, but also how true they were. And what stunned me most was how he seemed to know so much about me.

To hide the sudden rush of emotion, I responded with anger. "I can't stop using my power," I snapped and felt a pang of regret for doing so, but I needed to do something that would distract me from these damn feelings. "Are you crazy?" I paused, thought it trough and came out even angrier. "I know what this is about, Gosh wouldn't everyone around here be happy if I stopped using my power. With the little witch out of action everyone will just be safe and comfy. Is that what you want? Well forget it!"

"Jane, that's not…" I didn't let him finish before slamming my power on him so strongly it knocked him off of the sofa. He didn't make a sound, but as he crumbled to the floor I suddenly realized what I had done. I stopped, just as abruptly.

"Demetri?"

XxxxX

**T b c **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

"Demetri?" I asked, suddenly feeling afraid of what I'd done.

He groaned, dragging himself up into a sitting position, but stayed on the floor. If that was because the thought of sitting next to me suddenly repulsed him, or if he simply thought this wasn't the last time he would end up there during this conversation anyway, I didn't know. Either way, I felt ashamed.

"What the hell was that for?" he sighed.

I didn't speak, just kept at glaring at him, a mix of anger and regret swirling inside of me.

"I didn't think of the others and what you do to them, I couldn't care less if you torture Felix, or anyone, I think of what it does to _you_, Jane."

"You think of… _me_?"

"Yes."

"You're lying."

"No, why would I be?"

I didn't have an answer to that, but the thought of him actually trying to help me, was more than I could understand. He shifted so he was standing on his knees in front of me, then reached out a hand, brushing back a strand of hair that had escaped from my ponytail. He let his hand linger on my cheek, then he leaned closer. My first thought was to jerk back, but the way he looked at me made me inch toward him instead. Before I could brace myself he closed the gap between us, placing his mouth against mine in a soft careful kiss.

I couldn't stop a gasp from escaping my lips the moment he drew away again, and I couldn't stop staring at him either.

"How can you even want to touch me?" I asked at last.

He looked so confused that I felt the need to go on, only I didn't know how to put my thoughts into words. So I remained silent, as thoughts and feelings swirled inside of me so fast I almost felt dizzy. Demetri had kissed me, I couldn't believe it. Was something wrong with him? He had seemed normal before, but now, I couldn't help but wonder. There had to be something off with him, or else he wouldn't have done that. No one liked _me_, no one even cared to look at me twice. And those who did always gave me those _you're a freak_ looks, making me feel even weirder than I was. And to top that off, I was too young for any normal vampire, my body was just a child's, that alone was enough for most men to ignore me, and those perverts who didn't, I scared away with my power or cold attitude.

No one had touched me the way Demetri did, and no one had kissed me like that.

"How old were you when you were turned?" He asked irrelevantly, making me frown this time. He moved to sit next to me again, while he waited for me to speak.

"Almost fourteen," I whispered. He nodded. "Thirteen, that is. You little liar," he smiled. "You've been fooling everyone saying you were sixteen."

"Wouldn't you have done the same?"

"You bet I would have," he grinned. "Don't worry I won't tell anyone."

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"Your age? No, not at all. We're not human anymore. And in vampire years, we're almost the same age."

I sat in silence for a long time; throwing sideways glances at him there he sat next to me, equally quiet. His hand rested on my arm, and his eyes watched my face in silent contemplation. My thoughts wandered back to the real reason he'd come to my room. Was he right, would it make me feel better if I stopped reminding myself every day of the agony I was exposed to that day? Would I want to let that pain go? If I did, what would I have left? Would I be hollow, an even emptier shell than I was now?

"I can't do it," I said at last, and it took Demetri several seconds to know what I was talking about. "You can."

"No," I protested. "I need my power to make me feel alive. Without it I would be truly dead. Without the pain I can't feel anything."

"That's not true."

"It is."

Instead of talking back, he leaned in kissing me once again. Only this time he didn't pull back right away. Before I knew what I was doing, I was responding to his kisses, moving my lips in rhythm with his, and I found myself enjoying the feeling. He deepened the kiss, moving his tongue past my lips.

When he finally pulled away, I almost begged him to continue; it felt so good. He grinned, knowing what I was thinking. "I told you there is a lot more to feel than pain."

My lips curled in a small but hesitant smile. "I never knew that before, but you are proving your point."

"Then let me help you," he repeated what he had told me earlier.

I felt myself nodding. "Okay."

XxxxX

T b c


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

Not using my power, soon proved to be much harder than I thought it would be.

Three days later one of the guards brought in a young vampire on request from Aro. I was called too, needing to be there if the vampire proved to be unwilling to cooperate. And of course, he was. Either he didn't know who the Volturi was, or he had a death wish, but I knew that if he didn't spill all he knew soon, I would be the one torturing it out of him.

"Jane," I heard Aro's voice, and the tone he used made it clear it hadn't been the first time he had said my name.

"Yes master?"

He raised an eyebrow in surprise, and I realized my mistake. Normally he wouldn't even have had to ask me to do it, I would have gladly zapped that vampire with the pain illusion before he'd even begun lying. Now, Aro had to make me do it.

"This may hurt just a little," I informed the vampire, who was now staring straight at me with a look that made it clear he didn't think I could do anything more than pinch him. It made me angry. Must people always judge me by my physical appearance?

The next second the vampire was on his knees, writhing in pain and I couldn't help but fall back to my old habit of smiling as I watched him. In my peripheral view I noticed Demetri entering the hall, and the look he gave me distracted me enough to drop the illusion. I didn't hear the vampire gasp as he scrambled to his feet, almost falling as he hurried to get far away from me.

_I had to do it_, I wanted to yell at Demetri. I couldn't defy Aro. I didn't want to. But I didn't want to disappoint Demetri either. Seeing him look at me with so much sympathy and regret hurt me just as much as the power hurt as I remembered the burning feeling of pain.

Aro followed my gaze and his eyes widened as he saw Demetri stand in the doorway to the huge hall, his eyes fixated on me. I watched Aro as he turned to Marcus, with a questioning look on his face.

The other vampire nodded, confirming Aro's suspicions'. Damn that power of his. There was no way I could keep this a secret with him around. There was no doubt he had already picked up on the feelings between me and Demetri. He must have felt the bonds as they formed, but apparently he had kept silent. Until now.

Then, Aro laughed out loud. The sudden sound made me jump. "Well well what do we have here?" Aro mused. "Two lost souls coming together, how delightful."

I couldn't help but cringe. Aro seemed genuinely pleased to learn this, but I knew that was not true. I owed Aro my life for saving me and my brother that day, and no matter how much I adored him, I didn't trust him.

"Felix," Aro made a gesture for the vampire Felix had brought in. "He no longer interest me, get rid of him." Then he turned back to Demetri.

"Demetri," he almost sang, "Will you joins us."

I watched as Demetri came to stand next to me.

"Are you two sleeping together or is it just, what do people call it nowadays – platonic?"

"With all due respect Aro, that is none of your business."

I couldn't speak before, and after hearing Aro's blunt question, that speechlessness remained. All I could do was stare at Aro, amazed at how casually he seemed to be handling the situation. I glanced at Demetri then, he looked down at me, almost as if he had sensed me looking at him.

"Oh I'm so sorry, I seem to have forgotten my manners," Aro smiled. "I am happy for you Jane," he continued. "I don't think I have ever seen you with a man."

"No that is right master," I said at last. "Can I go now?"

"Of course."

I almost ran out of there, but before I got too far I could hear Demetri. "Don't even think about having Chelsea manipulate her or me, it won't work." Then he caught up with me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, leaning down to place a kiss at the top of my head.

XxxxX

It wasn't more than two days later that I, Alec and Felix were sent out on a spying mission, as Alec liked to call it. In reality all we did was watching a coven of four vampires making sure they didn't act as reckless as Aro had reason to believe they were. If they did, we'd end them. It was as easy, and boring as that. No vampire was allowed to expose the vampire race to any human.

We were just half an hour away from the airport when something hit me. I hadn't thought of it earlier, but wasn't it strange that Demetri wasn't joining us? He always did, he was the tracker after all. Something cold went down my spine and I almost gasped out loud as I realized what might be going on back at the castle.

"Stop!" I yelled, "Turn around I have to go back."

"I've got instructions to drive straight to the airport," the guard driving said firmly.

"I don't give a shit about instructions," I snapped, "Do it now!"

"Sister, calm down, what's going on?" Alec tried to soothe me, but this time it wasn't working. I felt like killing someone right then and there if the damn car wouldn't turn and head back, now.

When the driver still didn't listen, I had no choice but to plant the painful illusion in his mind. Not thinking about the consequences of disabling the chauffeur I let the power seep into him in full strength. He froze, slumping over the steering wheel in spasms of pain. The car swirled off the road so fast not even Felix who sat in the front seat had time to do anything to prevent it from taking a freefall off the edge of the steep cliffs next to the road.

XxxxX

TBC


End file.
